Qoutes and all qoutes..

One of the guarantees in life: Falling in love will change your life..

Somewhere between heartaches and waiting comes another chance to be found by someone who can show you that you don’t deserve to be just an option but a choice.

People say that i have changed…maybe i did that’s because i’ve stopped living my life by their rules

you never really stop loving someone…you just learn to try to live without them

life's a box of chocolates..youll never know what youll gonna get..

"Ok Sometimes when Im talking with someone and get excited about what Im saying, I find myself saying things I've never said before/ It seems almost as if Im 'channeling' an intelligence that isnt mine-one that understands life much better than me. But this is rare. In most conversations I prefer to listen. I always feel as if Im learning someting new, even though I wind up forgetting it all.""

Love doesnt ask many questions, because if we stop to think we become fearful. Its aninexplicable fear; its difficult even to describe it. Maybe its the fear of being scorned, of not being accepted, or of breaking the spell. Its ridiculous, but thats the way it is. Thats why you dont ask-you act. As youve said many times, you have to take risks."

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

"I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if were alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange."

My worst enemy is myself.

Daddy

I was told that I was daddy's little girl and that I hold a special place in my father's heart .

My dad passed away in April of 1999 in Cambodia. I remember our last remaining days together where I often called him every afternoon and we would talk for a few minutes about life and our daily updates. It was also the time where he wanted me to show the new rubber shoes I bought for him and how he has so happy and how it fitted him well. The news of my dad's death came to me when I was on a motorbike on my way back home. When my mom told me that he's gone. I jumped from the bike and ran on the streets towards home crying so loud that all of our closest friends were already in our house and have heard of my wails and came immediately to comfort me on the streets. I was a total wrecked during the days of the wake but one has to be strong as well as we needed to bring dad's body back to the Philippines, where the rest of the family awaits for us.

My dad.. A very loving, caring, supportive father for us all.. always there for us in times of troubles and happiness. Never ceased to continue showing his love for us. Never ceased to provide us guidance about growing up, about the world out there, about love, and all other things that we need to prepare ourselves in the outside world. He made sure that even minor problems are shared, as he often says.. " it is better that you express your fears and problems and ask for guidance than doing it all alone until you were not aware that your fear has turned you into something else and for a problem not to get worsen"..

I have grown to confide in him my thoughts and problems as he often would lend me his shoulder to cry on and comforted me with his loving words.. He was my strength during the times I was weak. There were so many instances as well that we would also fight a lot cos I can be so stubborn at times. I tend to break his rules most often but he was there guiding me more. He taught me to be conscious of security and my safety that being his eldest child and his only girl and he being an officer in the military -- taught me great things that I was able to apply in my daily life. I can go on and on writing about his greatness that I often find myself ideally wishing and hoping that my sons will be like him when they grow up.

What I miss most of not having a father now..

To cry on when I feel so alone, empty and telling him about my fears.. A comfort when I needed someone to just appreciate me for what I am and what I am not.. celebrate with during triumphs.. a smile and nod for reassurance that what I am doing is right.. advice and guidance on certain things that I find to be a continous challenge in life, love, marriage and raising children...hope and strength in times of losing something that you believed in.. a hot warm meal specially made for you.. coming home where he is there waiting for you even it was in the wee hours of night..

I miss you a lot dad.. it is so different without you. I continue to struggle alone without a father to be there by my side. I have learned to live and decide on my own specially when there are moments that a guidance from a father is needed.

Your legacy and love is always with me..in us dad..Thank you for all the things that you have taught me over my growing years.. preparing me to be the person I am now.. I hope that I am not letting you down from all the past decisions or future decisions that I shall made.. I know you are out there for us..

Gratitude- Kevin

I was tagged on my facebook awhile ago by my cousin Kevin of a note he wrote.. It has brought tears in my eyes..of each words he wrote that I felt in my heart..

He is due for a surgey this week, and I pray for his fast recovery.. I know you are a very strong person and that we will always be here for you.. Be strong dear cousin.

Sharing the poem he wrote..and may this inspire you too.. for whatever this may bring you.. each one of us have something to be thankful for.. I for once have so much to be thankful for.

Kudos to you Kevin for writing this...


Gratitude
Today at 10:17am
I wanna thank the people i know,
For they have helped me when we were so low.
Despite of every mistakes, together we grow,
And because of them, my life's given a glow.
I wont pretend that i don't need them,
Family's are treasured like precious gems,
They've given me hope in despair,
In the darkness, they lit a resilient flare,
In our lives, there are plenty of struggles,
Problems to solve, queries tangled,
Amidst everything,
in my doubts and in my fears,
We portray to be strong,
but we just cant conceal our tears
Thank you Titas' and Titos',
Cousins and Friends,
With your helping hands,
my life depends,
I wish that this one thing I did
Will make you smile so splendid,
I owe you our lives, my life and my education,
You are an answered prayer, a divine intervention,
More power to you and God Bless you,
Just in case you need us, don't fret, we'll be there too.
Thank you.

Seth and Elizabeth

When you look in the eyes of true love you see total wonderment. Amazement is also apparent. Their eyes seem to question why they're so blessed that they still have each other after all these years. My grandparents have been together much more than the years they've ...been apart. Each is each others life. How beautiful is that? 62 years is a lifetime for some, for these two it's the number of years they've been in love. And by the look of it, they'll reach past 65.

One can never imagine that true love can go beyond generations and decades and encompasses all the challenges faced. Yet, I have witnessed in my own very eyes, that true love is indeed magical and it continues to live inside one's heart and soul. My grand parents love for each other has shown us what it is to be with your one true love.

All her life, she gave her all to him. Never wanting to let go. Every move, every decision and every action she takes its all for him. All his life, he could not take any steps, any decision, any action without her by his side. He waits for her to come anytime of the day. Never start a meal without her. She cooks for him..its always for him. Until this day, sweet embrace and loving kisses are still shared by them in any moment that they have. The way they looked at each other even from afar, one can always say.. Their eyes showed how much love they feel for each other.. Ahh, True Love.

Its been 62 years of marriage.. we are so blessed to be part of their love, to witness their renewal of vows as couples. I wish that most of us will be like you. This is for you Seth and Elizabeth. Congratulations and Best Wishes for your Diamond Wedding. I love you so much Tay and Nay.

Juan Carlos

5 years ago, our youngest son was delivered in Bangkok, Thailand. Conceiving our youngest son was a big surprise to us all as we were informed that I would have minimal chances of getting pregnant as I was diagnosed to have an ovarian cyst. We basically lost our hope that we will be given another child. We concentrated all our attention and love to Patrick, our first born son.

JC was born at 8am on a C-section delivery in Samitevej Hospital. He had a perfect apgar score for a week early delivered baby. I remembered so well his first cry when he was pulled out from my tummy as I was half awake during that time. It was such a good, loud cry! He was immediately laid on my chest to create the first bonding experience of a mother and a child. He was such a beautiful baby! I was the happiest mother of all on that day! Patrick on the other hand, came to see me in my hospital bed and whispered to my ears and thanked me for bringing me a baby brother which he had secretly prayed to God and asked Santa a year ago as one of his christmas wish.. and yes, that year, his christmas wish & prayer was granted. My husband told me that when JC was shown to him and Pat outside the operating room, they both were in tears of joy.

After 24 hours of his delivery, I requested the hospital to bring him in my room so I can already start the bonding time with him even I was still in pain and recovering from my operation and after 2 days of my recuperation, he was already sleeping with me so I can basically take care of him.. not caring at all of the pains that I was still going through. All I felt was the happiness being with my son and a new mother.

He was just 2 weeks old when he had his first flight, bringing him back to Cambodia. Everyone was so delighted to see him. He was such a lovely baby boy! It was also the time, when the biggest tsunami hit off several countries and the worst hit was Indonesia. Through out his first four months, I basically took care of him 24/7 and not requested to have a nanny. I wanted to have that bond with him since we have waited so long for his coming to this world. He was such a great baby --more so to say that he was the same as his older brother when Patrick was a baby too. We were so blessed!

That happiness of being with him for four wonderful months had to end, as I had to go back to work and was requested to be deployed to Indonesia. It was so hard to leave him and my family but it was my calling. A few months after, I could not bear anymore to be away from him,so Patrick, JC and my husband Edward joined me. in Indonesia But still, they had to stay an hour flight from the place I was posted as the situation in which I was in was difficult. Still, the distance did not kept me from not being with them. For that span of four years, JC grew up tagging along with me, in any chance that I can bring him with me. He got used to flying and spending time with me. Observing through his personality growing up, I would say that he is so friendly, charming and sweet. Almost everyone that he meets, they get easily charmed by JC. Along the streets that we walked through, or places that we visit, security guards, etc-- whenever we passed by-- he would just say " Hi and would wave his hand" and then he would get the same reply and would say to him " How are you JC?" -- I am just amazed, at an early age - he was able to reach out to people and have this " special touch". Even when he was not with me anymore, I would often asked about the whereabouts of JC and etc.

There are also many instances, that I have noticed his strong like in art. Whenever he sees me painting, he would often asked to paint with me ( and we would often do so) and he is so sensitive with peoples feelings and a keen observer. One time, we passed by a place and there was this nice painting and he said.. " Look Mom, that is a nice painting-- you like it?" or sometimes he would just say, " Mom why is that person sad? is he okay?". At the age of three to four, he has grown to loved cars and all sorts of vehicles. He has this huge collection of hot wheel cars which he could play for hours and hours and mimicking a parking lot or run through trails of roads. I have to mention as well his love for books. He is often my companion in my visits to bookstores and whenever we enter the bookshop, he knows already where his place is and we go on our seperate ways. There are a few bookshops that we often visit so he is pretty familiar where he would go and a few minutes, I would find him engrossed in one corner, with piles of children books-- and starting to tell me to read to him or buy it off. At night, he could not go to sleep without me reading a book for him. Whenever I am away from him, I had to often read him a book through a phone call. So you can imagine that we would often have some books with two copies. One with him, so his dad or his nanny can show to him while me having another copy on the other side of the world. Theres also this thing that he is so particular with being so organized and clean. Whenever he sees trash or a wrapper he would use ( tissues, candy wrappers or whatever) he would not leave it lying somewhere, but would find a trash bin or can to throw it. He arranges things that he thinks that is not parallel or not properly laid down ( is he showing at an early age of becoming to be an OC?). He has this routine of not going to sleep without burshing his teeth and would remind us if we happen to forget whenever we are pre-occupied with something at night. Before eating or when his hand is dirty, hand washing is already a part of what he would do next. He had this great sense of humour that would crack us all up.

On flights, he is so conscious of safety procedures. Everytime we hopped on a plane, the first thing he would do is to take out the emergency landing procedure oout of the pocket of the seat and read through and would tell me or his dad ( explaining what to do in case of emergency). Sometimes I feel that he must have gotten this from me.. hahaha! or sometimes, I couldnt helped but think that his calling could be either in transportion world or like me. Anyway, I leave it up to him when he grows up on what he would want to do. All we ( me and his dad) can do is to guide him through to be a good person and have good and right decision with his life. All I ever wish and hope for is for my boys to be able to survive in our fast pace world and stood strong with their decisions and principles in life,be independent in a good way and God fearing and loving persons.

Midst of all the precious moments I have spent with JC and Pat, theres never enough time for me. I am always never there to see each step and each day that they take in their growing years. I envy all the mothers who have so much time to give to their children that how I wish that I am like them. There are so many times, that I would cry at night that I am not there everytime or think about them but I know all this sacrfices I am doing is for them.. for their future and I hope in my heart that they understand. I may not be the best mother of all as I have my shortcomings but I believed in my heart, that my love for JC and Patrick knows no bounds. It is a difficult choice and a big sacrifice for a mother to be away from her beloved children. But I am just so thankful and blessed to be given with two wonderful sons.

Tomorrow is JC's 5th birthday, and this will be the first that I will not be with him. My heart is heavy but I know he will be happy spending it with his older brother -Pat and his dad.

To JC : This blog is for you bam. I know that you only read this when you are old enough, but I want you to know that even mommy is not there on your 5th birthday, my thoughts, my prayers and love will be with you. How I wish I am there celebrating your birthday as I know you have been telling me how you wanted to be five or six --so you can be older and soon you can give me a violet house and a violet car.. that is the sweetest thing hon.. Mommy loves you so much! Have fun on your birthday!

FOR TWO WEEKS ONLY

I was blessed to be given the chance to be in the Philippines for two weeks work and assist my office in the emergency response for the typhoon affected areas. It was such an eye opener for me. It has been years since I last worked in my own country and I had so many mixed feelings.

I arrived in Manila on a friday, with a storm signal no. 3! Did I brought the typhoon with me? I hope not.. I visited several areas within NCR , South and North. My heart bled for my fellow Filipinos who were affected with the disaster and their frustations as well. I wanted to write more about the internal struggle and challenges they all faced but I decided not to since this will cause too much issues.. Let me then just described the strong resiliency of my fellow Filipinos-- even how much they are suffering from losing their house, property or even loved ones. Yet, they still manage to smile.

On the other side of the story, I have come into terms with myself over the time I was there. So many things happened and unforgetable experience that will be kept in my memory. It was a time I guess where I could agree with the saying " When God closes one door, he somehow opens a window". I have meet wonderful people over the time I was there and even became my new found friends. Most of them have come from different age group ( mostly younger than me) which somehow made me feel young again! I have learned a lot from them- the life that they lead, their ideology in life and much more.

I have spent time as well with my old college friends ( plus their husbands & boyfriends) and as usual, we always had to reminisce the old times--where we are still 20lbs lighter! We never had a moment of silence. Then goes another set of friends whom I have been close over the years. Basically, there was never a day or night that I was surrounded with friends--old and new. They have somehow became my support during those days that I was somehow hiding sadness in my heart. -- and Ill say " Thank you so much"! Things would have been so different without you..without me meeting you.. YOu made it all so easy for me :)

The finale of my two weeks stay was the time spent with my son, Patrick. We both had the chance to have the mother and son bonding. I have learned new things from him. He has changed from my " little boy" to " a growing man". I am so proud of what he is becoming to be. He has the sweetness, sense of humour and charm that you cant resist. He has the wit and creativity that was taken from his father. We spent most of our time, walking around and talking over coffee at Starbucks or in the wee hours of the night when we are about to sleep.. our conversation flowed about his plans, his school, friends, feelings, love.. anything under the sun..as if we are just best of friends until such time that our eyes were closed. I miss him so much, and I wish that I will be able to have more time spent with him in the coming months.

To sum it all, it was a great two weeks where it has indeed opened my eyes with so much reality in life, learned a lot from it and memories to cherish for a lifetime.

Till I see you all again..

Christmas--SOON

I woke up today having a strange dream that kept me sitting in my balcony until such time that I have to hurry doing my morning routines as I am running late for work. While I was having my morning thoughts and ponder, I felt the cool breeze of October and I realised that a month more, it will be December and its going to be Christmas!

Christmas! How I love this time of the year. The cool breeze, the distinct smell of freshness of the trees and festivity. It is also a month of being with loved ones, relatives , friends and meeting new friends. I always have this beautiful memories of christmas-- christmas lights and decors on the streets, buildings and houses. I personally also make this time as my way showing my love and remembering those that are so dear to me -- that I personally take time to choose something special for them. Either in a form of a gift, a message or something that I know will make them smile and feel special.

However, this season also brings back nostalgia to me. There is a certain sadness that I feel as well during this time of the year. Everytime the clock strucks 12 midnight , where in the Philippines we would normally celebrate christmas eve. I would shed a tear or two. No one knows that- not even my husband or my family in general. I kept my silence and in one corner when I am alone.. I had that moment of sadness..nostalgia. For once, our family is not complete anymore. My dad is no longer there to celebrate the christmas with us. I remember how he would not forget to always give us a christmas card with his words of love when he was still alive and as well as seeing my mom with a certain sadness in her eyes, that I know she longed for Dad.

Cherished each moment with your parents..no matter how far they are..or no matter where they are.. love them with all your might. Continue telling them how much you are so thankful for having them. While you can and have the means, be with them.. have that precious time and moments with them.. cos there will be a time that as much as you wanted to say and show how much you love them.. its not possible anymore.

More so, other thoughst and feelings came in to me during those moments of nostalgia. Certain things that are too personal for me.

Anyhow, I look forward to Christmas this year again.. Seeing the smiles and hearing laughters of the additional blessings in our family.. :)

Unity on Disasters

A few weeks ago, four countries were affected with different disasters. Lives were lost , infrastructure were destroyed.

I was deployed to West Sumatra 40 hours after the earthquake to conduct a rapid assessment and further assist in the urgent needs and priorities of the victims. I have seen the great devastation of the earthquake and how different countries coordinated and collaborated to save lives of the people trapped in buildings and houses. Ashes, rubbles, sirens of ambulance,helicopters, rescuers ( and even canine rescuers!), militaries and aid workers are all over the place.

Other countries such as Vietnam and my beloved country was also strucked with a big disaster and I have seen all walks of life came in to help. I was wishing at that moment that I too can help my country but my calling that time was to be in Indonesia.

I learned that there are still a lot of people, organizations, communities, countries that still holds a heart of gold that are willing and there to help people in any form of distress. I pray and wish that this will be spread out to all of us.

Saying this, the assistance that was provided by everyone to these countries was an amazing example of unity of different countries, provinces, different culture, religion and having only one aim- save lives. I have witnessed this many times in several emergency response thatI have been assigned to. If only all of us are all like this, then the world is a better place to live in and there will always be peace amongst us. No more wars, chaos, fighting etc..I worry about our children's future, if we continue to be selfish, power hungry and all we care is our own needs then the future of our children will be at stake.

Let us open our eyes to save the world for our children's and next generations future..

Oil, Brush and Canvass

A few weeks back, I have posted here some of my paintings but I deleted it somehow. Dont ask me why but I felt part of me has revealed something there and I find it not appropriate now. If you happen to read that blog, I mentioned how I started to learn how to paint and I found it as a source of an outlet for me.

Over the time I was learning the art of painting, it was also a sort of discovering and processing myself through this. It is also a discovery of mediums ( oil or acrylic or a combination of both) of what I can use as well in my work. I realised that life and art work is so similar. Each day you find something to inspire you, each day your emotions can be a set of different colors or sometimes just plain basic ones. It has also brought about my current emotions and mind -- where each of my painting shows whats inside me. It is indeed a love affair between myself and the paint.

Here are my work, as I've said before, I am not an artist, not a painter and my work is not great, But I find it as a form of an expression and an outlet of my thoughts and emotions. I am sharing this to you cos I want to tell you that painting is a very good way of relaxing your mind, finding your inner creativity , self satisfaction and a good way to divert your mind.

The following series of paintings are posted in order of the time I made it. This was all done in the month of August and early September.

This was the very first oil painting I made, when I was working on this, I had a lot of different emotions. Its called " 3 Phases"

I call this " Nostalgia"- it reminds me of several flights Ive taken from home and how I felt whenever I was on the plane back here.

" Shades of Sadness and Resilience"



" Healing"

" Light of Hope"

" Flames of Passion"

This is the last piece I made a few days ago and I could not come up with a title. I am debating between " growth and hope" or " life"--Every painting has its own story and I want to keep it for myself for now but if you will ask me, I can tell you what it is..

A Martial Law Lovestory ( Part 1)

This has been in my draft box for 2 months now and I never got the time to finish this part 1 of the LABOY lovestory. I had to basically sat down with my mom over coffee to tell me their story. She didnt know that I had this plan of documenting their story. I remember that day, when I asked my mom to tell me their story-- she was in tears while narrating to me their lovestory.. Sigh!

To Dad-- I know you are there somewhere up above, watching us all and continuing to guide and love us. Your memories and love are so alive in each one of us. We miss you so much. I miss you Dad.. I miss our talks, your cooking, your sweetness and care - that you have never failed to show us the love of a father. Thank you so much for being such a GREAT FATHER. This is for you and Mom .

Most of the poeople who are very dear and close to us will smile if they hear the word " LABOY". It might be in the dictionary or in wikepedia but for us it is the combination of the name of my mom ( Lala) and dad ( Boy).

Their love story started when my mom just came back from her 3 years living in the US and pursued her college degree in Legaspi. My dad, was a military officer ( a Lieutenant) based in Tanay, Rizal and who happened to be on home leave and was visiting his Alma Mater. It was the season for intramurals game. My mom was a badminton player for the liberal arts department and had this long black straight hair that caught the attention of my dad. There my dad instantly got smitten to this free spirited woman. He then wrote a note and sent it thru my moms friend ( who was my mom's co-player). She caught a man on the second floor of the university building who was always watching her when she plays. Then one day, they finally met right after my mom's game.

After that meeting, my dad returned to his post but after two days he would come back to see her and this went on for a month. Martial Law was declared on the night when my dad was once again travelling back to Legaspi to be with her. Through his actions, my dad has already decided that she is the one that he will spend the rest of his life with. Two weeks after he met my mom, he woke his parents one night to introduce her to them as the woman that he will marry.

Unbeknown to my mom, on those days that my dad was away from the city, he had asked his intelligence contacts and friends ( and he had thousands of them) to look after this long black haired lady ( actually she was under surveillance!). So much so, that when my dad and mom met again, my mom was always shocked to know that my dad would always know what she did or where she went or who she was with outside of her home.! To give an example, my dad mentioned to my mom that he knew that my mom went to a discotheque place with someone when he was away. When asked why he knew, he admitted that the " balut" seller outside of that place reported to him ( least she didnt know that time, that seller was an intelligence informer).

Off note: ( It is indeed true, even during my college/highschool days, my dad would really go for background checks on my suitors or bf's! He knew as well all the things that I do in and out of school--:P- he sure was really a military officer)

Anyway to continue my story..

A month of courtship, my dad invited my mom to be his partner in a gala night and they both ended walking for several hours and there when my dad took her home, dad proposed to her and got marrried secretly in Malinao. They were married twice in a year. The first one was a secret marriage where only the judge was the witness and the last one was on a more proper cerimonial wedding in the church. A year after their first marriage I was born :)

For all the 26 years, I have witnessed a beautiful marriage of my parents. There were fights ( on a closed door) but as normal as it can be, they would always make up so sweetly. I used to remember how loving and caring they both have been to each other and that they are so inseparable. That I grew up having this thoughts of an ideal marriage-- of having witnessed the strong love they both felt for each other over the years. I can say that only a few are given the opportunity to find their true love and be with them for the rest of their lives.. But my parents, are one of the few lucky ones I guess. I knew right there and then that they are meant for each other. They compliment each other, they are like best of friends and lovers at the same time. I have so much more to say about the two of them but I would like to narrate it in my chapter 2 of this love story..

( to be continued Part II)

Love Knows No Bounds

They say in your lifetime, you would experience major problems and challenges besides the daily ups and downs and that qualify as part of molding you a better person from learning through mistakes or it could also put you in the pit of darkness that could make you a less better person. Retracing back my memory 12 years ago, I had experience the big turn in my life and that really drove me down to the brink. Through that, It has continued to remind me of a family's love.

I was born in a family with full of love, laughter and support for each other. Inhibitions and condemnation is not a well know word for us. Everyone is openminded to everything ( well, I am sure there are hidden secrets now and then) but as far as I can remember when that hidden secret is revealed, no one was outcasted in the family but instead supported with spiritual, moral, physical and emotional support.

My mom's family ( the Perez ) continues to amaze me. From the early marriage of my " Tay & Nay" and how they raised their 6 children. I loved hearing Tay's stories over and over again.. on how he had to go fishing to feed his family and Nay had to sell fish in the bigger city. Despite the hardships in the early years of their life, it didnt stop them from pursuing their dreams and become successful -- owning one of the biggest scrap and metal junk shop and an in demand meals from the eatery & catering of my grandma during the peak of their adulthood. The great skills of my titos being a gunsmith-- molding, designing and repairing guns of all sorts and that has taken them to meet top officials in my country but remained humble in their life. The rest have gone to other professions as teachers and government employees. They were raised in a way of God loving and fearing ( being Christians -- charismatic, strong conviction for the love of God) and nothing is impossible if you believe in God's love. Those values were then handed over to all of us. Being a close knit family, everytime we are gathered, there's always the never ending stories of their childhood and our childhood and the sumptous food that each one made..especially of my Mom and Nay ( grandma). There's also the big sense of humour that surrounds us all..no one is spared of being tricked or teased.. and sometimes if you are new in the family ( either a gf/bf, a guest, a friend)..you are already part of the family and welcomes you with loving arms..We are one rowdy gypsy bunch!!... soon you would here laughters, singing and on-going cooking and eating.

My dad's family ( the Borja) is where I basically grew up and I was the first grand child of this clan. My lolo Fred was a war veteran and my lola Felisa owns a small grocery store. They raised 6 children. Both my dad and my uncle went to pursue being a soldier and became high ranking officers but unfortunately was taken in this world at an early age of their life. The rest pursued to be a banker, a government official and a lawyer. I was 7 years old when my mom took the job and later on my dad followed in Morong, Bataan as humanitarian workers. It was the decision from my grandparents that I stay on with them in Legaspi to continue my primary school. They have shown me how a grandparents love for their children is beyond the love of a parent to their children. I was spoiled by them.. my lolo and lola , my uncles and my aunts. But mind you, even I was spoiled, I had my fair share of " old school punishment" from my naughtiness & stubborness ( and i will write more about it next time).. kneeling for several minutes with my arms raised and books in both hands, spanking my butt by using the dried long tail of a stingray! I was that naughty little girl. But those things does not comprise of the love I have felt from my dad's family. My lolo used to walk with me in the morning to school ( since my school was just a few minutes walk from their house), on how he would often tell me stories of his life, taught me life's greatest lesson ( which i believed he played a big role of my passion to become a nurse) and my lola who has given me so much love one can never imagine. My auntie Titing who became my surrogate mother and a best friend. She is the epitome of a woman --very caring and loving. Auntie Nene being the youngest became like my older sister, that until now, we treat each other like one.

My cousins and brothers have been my ever bestfriends-- each one of them has its own unique stories and memories of our childhood adventures which even now we are older, wiser and naughtier..there's always that strong unique bond of closeness and love.

Both of these family has given me and the rest of us the arms to survive in this world. One's problem is embraced by everyone. Although they would not meddle in your affairs or issues but when you needed them, they are there to give you all the support you need in different forms-- may it be praying with you, advices, making you laugh, a hug, long hours of listening to your woes, being just there when you feel that you are alone even there are no words said.We are not a perfect family, most of us has gone through worst moments in our lives.. but I have not witnessed or heard a word uttered that they have condemned the person or spiteful words that one can feel more demoralized in a troubled mind state. They will continue you to remind you of God's powerful love and thier love.

Thats where I survived and I continue to survive from all the troubles, failures and pains I have gone through in my life.When I fall and crumble and feel that everything fails.. I felt I was never alone. The love of my family never fails to linger in my heart and mind and that helped me slowly stand up with might and pick up the pieces again..that's what happened to me 12 years ago and I am what I am now because of them.

I also believed that because of them, I have learned the true meaning of love and loving is all about giving irregardless it could hurt you deeply and painfully or giving to the fullest but in the end, you will always have a smile in your heart because I was taught by them that love knows no bounds.

I am so blessed to have been given this family and I am so proud of them. My pride, joy and respect to the Borja & Perez Clan. Thank you to all of you. I love you all..

Two Hundred Dollars Worth and more

I left Philippines with emotional baggage and not enough sleep. The flight was uneventful, in fact I was able to get some sleep and mindless of what is happening around me- whether we encountered a strong turbulence or the stewardess was giving away immigration forms.. I couldn't careless. I was exhausted!

Landed in KL and left the airport at around 1 am to Tune Hotel ( air asia budget hotel in LCCT) which my cousin Jen has graciously booked for me. I found out that I could not be accommodated for that night. I debated till I became so bitchy . I was told that my room is only available 11 hours from that time! Imagine my rage! I argued and exhausted myself but in the end, what can the hotel staff do?-- they they were so booked for that night. They were offering me another cheap hotel 30min away from the airport but i declined. I said to the manager " I will write to your President and complain. This is a first for me to encounter a hotel that has a different understanding of a date of arrival! Book me a room in Pan Pacific now!.. . I don't care the about the price or how expensive it is. I am really tired". I am not like this bitchy but I was so hurt and frustrated.

I ended up alright in Pan Pacific at 230 am paying 200USD for a 9 hours stay. My most expensive 9 hours. Plus other incidental expenses that I wouldn't add up here or my mom will definitely raise her voice and eyebrows. But in the end, I was glad I stayed in Pan Pacific- after going through the fits and mishaps.. coming to a cozy, heavenly pillows et all.. I felt I was home and woke up overlooking the meadows and palm tress of KL and that made me smile. I'm sure my mom will have a big fit learning this and I can already vividly imagine her saying " Kristina, that's too much!"

Anyhow, six things I've learned on this trip:

1) CONFIRM ( ensure you got the right date - as per hotel's regulation)

2) TRAVEL with enough cash on hand ( or a credit card). You ll never know where you will end up staying or for emergency purpose!

3) PRIDE & DIGNITY. Never lose it in times of trouble.

4) 5 STAR HOTEL. Its still the best place to stay with all the amenities and buffet breakfast!

5) NEVER ask your cousin to book for you.. HAHAHA ( kidding cuz!) but thank you really for doing it for me.. love you!

6) My life is always a never ending adventure :)

The Awakening

I was introduced to motherhood at a very young age when my mother gave birth to my youngest brother (Krister Jay). I was with her at the hospital and I felt like an expectant mother as well..it seemed like I was feeling my mother's pains and anxiety. I had also hoped that I would have a baby sister; and so I was there waiting for my baby sister (my wish). Therefore, as my Mom was going through a complicated delivery and she had to stay in bed and several trips to the hospital, I was there with her. It was also during that time when my Mom (at here bedside) taught me one of her favorite songs of her lifetime-Don't Cry for me Argentina. I was 10 years old that time and being the only daughter and the eldest, I had to assume the responsibility of taking care of my baby brother which I believed has somehow gave us both this special bond.

As years passed, I have learned to love the nurturing side of being a mother which I didnt know my mom has been teaching me all through out my growing years. She has taught me at a very early age of cooking and baking and be domesticated. My dad has taught me to be independent, open , organised and plan things ahead. He being a military and grew up in a military family. We were raised in a sort of a military way. I applaude, praise and thank my parents for raising us well and showing us a loving, supportive and caring family. In all honesty, my best friends are my brothers and my cousins.

I got married at the age of 20, just 6 months after I graduated from my Nursing Degree, and just after passing my licensure. It was such a big frustration and shocked from the rest of my family. I did get a lot of moral and physical support from my parents, grandparents and my aunties who helped take care of my son - since at that point inmy life, I was a babe myself- having been pampered and spoiled by all, especially my Mama (Mama Felisa). But in the end, the birth of my oldest son Patrick Antonio-- brought in joy and happiness to the rest of my family. Practically, Patrick grew up with a lot loving people around him; my family and Ed's family and friends. Ten years after Patrick was delivered, Juan Carlos ( JC) was born who brought wonders and laughters.

I am now 35 years old, I've been through a lot of mishaps and so much blessings as well. Sometimes i would say, I couldnt ask for more.. or did I really deserve all these?:)

I am starting this blog for the people that i care and love and we often dont see each other and I believe this is a medium for them to know my thoughts and my adventures in this lifetime..